Aspects of my work with clients include seeing if they are able to relaunch their relationship, engage in a healing separation, and/or move toward divorce. I am committed to helping clients in a compassionate way to find the direction that is right for them; as I am trained in these essential models for partners: Couples Therapy, Sex Therapy, Discernment Counseling, Healing Separation, Non-Adversarial Divorce Support and Divorce Recovery.
Initial Call with Clients
Quite often when I speak to clients during the initial call(s); at least one partner describes that they don’t know what direction to take in terms of their relationship. What they do know is, that they are at a point where they are stuck in the relationship, they constantly experience negative cycles, and/or they find themselves questioning whether or not they want to continue to work and move forward in the relationship.
The next step is that we schedule a meeting where the partners discuss openly where they are in terms of the relationship.
Clients decide together on the model that is right for them depending on what they discuss from our initial phone call and/or their initial session together with me. There are some instances where partners are very clear what direction they need to take in our initial phone call, and they move directly toward scheduling a Divorce Support Session.
Note: Please click the above page links of this website in order to review, better understand, and better determine which model may be correct for them.
Sometimes after our initial call, and reading the other pages on this website, clients are still really unsure of what direction to take. It is normal to be confused and unsure, as this is one of the most difficult times in any partner’s life. For these clients, in most cases, they can benefit from one or more Discernment Counseling sessions to see where they are at in terms of working or not working any longer in the relationship.
I have also found that my background as an AASECT Certified Sex Therapist is also helpful to assist partners, where some of their underlying issues may also be related to intimacy. At certain points, partners are no longer looking to work on issues related to intimacy in their current relationship, but they relay to me that my sex therapy background is helpful in assisting them in the process.
For Those Partners Who Decide on Divorce Support Sessions:
Unresolved conflicts have sometimes been left unaddressed for so long or addressed without resolution, that at least one partner feels like the relationship can no longer be repaired. For others, they may have become aware that they are incompatible in some fundamental aspect(s) of their relationship that precludes relaunching.
My office is a judgement-free zone and a safe space to discuss any relationship. Non-Adversarial Divorce Support in my office is available to all religious and/or cultural beliefs, genders including non-binary, all forms of sexuality, as well as monogamous and non-monogamous relationships.
Some clients have never married and are coming in for the same reasons as divorcing partners, in all instances; I recommend that clients also consult other supportive divorce professionals to get a complete overview (e.g. legal, financial, and real estate).
Partners contemplating divorce can benefit greatly from working with me; as we carefully consider the options and try to get a consensus on the important decisions that need to be made for the partners and/or any children.
I empower clients that I work with to take hold of their own divorce, so that it remains non-adversarial and protective of their emotional and physical health, and that of any children. I am part of an ever-growing movement of professionals to help partners mindfully and consciously divorce. This is a very delicate time for my clients, and I strive to provide a very confidential and comforting environment to help them through this difficult time.
- You are entitled to have a mental health professional (like myself) collaborate with your mediator, and/or join you in your collaborative divorce meetings. I have helped partners compromise and come “back to the table” when things have come to a halt in their work with their other professionals. An example would be scheduling sessions to discuss sticking points on a parenting plan. Sometimes mediators will recommend that their clients come to me in an effort to compromise on disagreements in regard to Co-Parenting. Clients can learn a great deal in these sessions that they can apply going forward together as co-parents and eventually, co-grandparents.
- In New York and Connecticut, and most other states, there is an Alternative Dispute Resolution Model (ADR), which is designed to be Non-Adversarial that includes Mediation and/or Collaborative Divorce. ADR professionals include: Family Relations Counselors at the Courts, Mediators, Mental Health Professionals, Collaborative Attorneys and Judges, Financial and Real Estate professionals, other wellness providers.
- Counseling is not a substitute for legal advice, and I encourage my clients to consult with an attorney for any legal questions and/or services.
- Divorce Support Sessions do not create legally binding agreements, nor do they contain legal services and/or advice; as I am a Licensed Professional Counselor.
- Divorce Support Sessions are not Couples Therapy.
Benefits of Divorce Support Sessions
I help my clients who are considering divorce by structuring our sessions to keep the priority on making decisions and compromises. My clients often reduce their legal fees as a result of our sessions, as they are better able to present their questions and/or requests to their other advisors with clarity and are less reactive toward their divorcing partner(s). In addition, the emotional and physical toll is reduced because disagreement and stonewalling are worked through in our sessions; thereby saving some of the attorney costs. Partners quite often bring the content of our discussions and/or agreements from our sessions to their supportive divorce professionals: legal, financial, mental health, real estate, etc., which results in a more organized and cost-effective process overall, as well as protecting their health, and those of any children, from stress-induced illnesses.
With many divorcing partners, there is just one asking for the divorce, so it can be very difficult for another partner to offer kindness and respect. This is precisely why it is essential to come in for divorce support sessions, so you can be supported in continuing to redirect your own precious resources toward compromise and positive communication, instead of punishment and pain.
Your Divorce Support Sessions with Me
I have created a safe and non-adversarial office environment for partners who are considering separation and/or divorce to reduce conflict, emotional and physical pain, negative impacts on their children, and lessen legal fees. Non-Adversarial Divorce Support also helps to prevent legal abuse directed toward partners. When partners state that they have a desire to work together and not against each other in this process, even though communication may not be optimal with their current partner(s), I am able to help them do the essential and difficult work of trying to build a structure of respect and clarity with their divorcing partner.
We will also discuss the pros and cons of Mediation, Collaborative Divorce and Litigation.
Co-Parenting is Part of Divorce Support Sessions
If you have children, my background as a former teacher and school counselor, and current licensed professional counselor, will provide the professional assistance of how to support the emotional, physical, and educational needs of the children. I also have two Masters' degrees; one in Counseling and the other in Education. We work on specific strategies and tools to improve Co-parenting communication and agreements.
It is important for divorcing partners to minimize any possible emotional trauma for any child involved, including adult children, and themselves. Keep in mind that children can still thrive during and after a divorce, as long as they have at least one parent or guardian who provides a safe, nurturing and consistent home for them. Children will feel pain and grief, and it’s up to the co-parents to unify together to provide the emotional support that is needed to help the children adjust and heal over time. This emotional support at times can also include providing the proper therapeutic licensed professional to work with your family and/or child. Children and younger tweens can benefit from play therapy and the whole family can benefit from creative arts therapy.
It is recommended for co-parents to consider this non-adversarial process to keep their main focus on the health and well-being of their children.
Co-parenting support is not Couples Therapy!
Self-Care is Part of Divorce Support:
Ask yourself: If you create a better relationship with yourself, will that help you during this process?
Divorcing partners must begin to re-think the question of "who's to blame?" When a relationship has not been what it needed to be for the partners, all parties have some responsibility for the breakdown of the relationship. It is sometimes hard to believe this statement because each partner is so focused on all the ways the other person(s) hurt them and/or wasn’t enough for them, etc. Divorcing partners report that when they continually work on lowering their own reactivity by not blaming, they feel more grounded in this process. Continuing to try and reduce your reactivity (i.e. anger) toward your partner(s) is a form of self-care.
- Develop a good support system; including but not limited to attending individual therapy, getting out in nature, spending time with supportive, non-judgmental people, eat better and drink more water.
- Read and watch videos, take classes, attend lectures, and/or take seminars to increase your awareness of yourself. Reading and learning all you can, will help make the process more healing rather than adversarial.
- Develop a mindfulness practice. Learning quick meditation strategies really helps clients to find the gratitude even on difficult days. I help clients to incorporate short mindful things to help the calm their central nervous system to be able to better cope during this time.
I am a therapist member of the Connecticut Council of Non-Adversarial Divorce